Today is an extremely miscellaneous Monday where I keep having random brain jolts of thoughts that are racing through my mind.
Something happened that prompted me to find the unique balance between being comfortable in accepting help or favours from another person in relation to your current tolerance of this other being.
What I found was, there’s this sweet spot that results in appreciation when someone you tolerate well does something for you:
If you don’t already tolerate this person well, anything they do would probably be viewed as annoying or uncalled for. Then again, people often move in and out of this profile, so someone whom you can’t tolerate today might just be tolerable once you’ve done blowing your top.
Now let’s look at the other spectrum of things. I’ve somehow come to realise that, you are more likely to appreciate a good gesture from a stranger compared to someone you are extremely close to (E.g Family). This is probably due to the fact that you tolerate strangers pretty well (Provided you don’t get a creepy first impression) and you probably hold 0 expectations towards them. Family or even your significant other on the other hand might have done something so bad to piss you off that you’ve hurled him out of that Venn diagram and into outer space.
When you plot these levels of appreciation, its figured that you get the highest appreciation returns from 1st degree friends (The kind you know directly, not a friend of friend and people whom you actively maintain contact with). Once this person becomes a closer friend, you might come to view his or her actions as expected. If this close friend happens to become a partner, the graph rolls downhill.
Let’s put this into a scenario with the corresponding numbers at each point on the curve
- Amy signs up for an excursion and meets Paul. Paul is a great guy and offers Amy a drink. Amy shows her appreciation and thinks that this guy is really awesome.
- They hit it off really great. Paul offers to call Amy again after the trip and they trade phone numbers. Paul then offers to send Amy home. This nice gesture is totally unexpected by Amy and she genuinely appreciates it. The two begin dating
- Amy and Paul have dated for quite a bit now and Paul brings Amy on a nice date and proposes to Amy. Amy is touched to tears and accepts the proposal.
- Amy is now Mrs Paul and Paul buys Amy a treadmill for their new home thinking it would be more convenient for her than going to the gym. Amy thinks Paul is implying that she’s fat.
- Amy and Paul have 2 children by now and she thinks Paul is only feeding the baby, taking out the trash because he wants her to stop nagging when he has his video games session later on. Paul thinks that Amy should clean the house, wash the sheets and do all these because she’s the mother of the child.
Much toxicity in this correlation honestly, but of course, different people tick differently and some people actually have their graphs in reverse. But that’s just me, cynical and all.
Brings back to an occurrence this morning, i was already frustrated at the constant pursuit, feels like i’m not given time to breathe. So breakfast delivery ultimately tipped the charts off the tolerance levels and I exploded.
The only thoughts racing through my mind were:
- Is he doing this with the intention of forgiveness?
- Guilt tripping me so I feel indebted?
- Delivering breakfast to my house without my permission is pretty much treading too much into the privacy range isn’t it
There was absolutely 0 appreciation on my part when I saw the text message.
It was only after I had calmed down a little to write this post that I felt mildly grateful for the intent, albeit pissed at the fact that people showing up at your house uninvited is honestly the last thing I would want to deal with.
I would ALWAYS prefer to be informed if you wanted to show up anywhere near my house, its often a shocker and I think that’s something only stalkers would do.
Never thought asking would be so difficult, feels like I got more than I bargained for.
2015 isn’t the best year afterall.